Attachment within a couple relationship

A online workshop designed and facilitated by Annie Power
11 hours over 3 Saturday’s

Outline:

This course is offered both for couple therapists and for practitioners who work with individual clients but would like a fuller understanding of how attachment strategies play out in a relationship. The modules will map attachment dynamics in different areas of a couple’s life. In the final session we will briefly explore working directly with a couple  as well as working with the ‘couple in mind’. This might be particularly useful for individual therapists who are considering a move into couple work.

The approach I take is based on my own training at The Bowlby Centre, my systemic training with Relate and in recent years, my training and experience as an EFT (emotionally focused couple therapy) therapist. I will suggest points for reflection between meetings as well as asking you to read a chapter in preparation for each module. A copy of Contented Couples: Magic, logic or luck? will be needed for this reading.

Session 1

How attachment impacts our selection of a mate

Secure attachment is a blessing across the life cycle and its impact on our choice of a partner is particularly telling. People with this attachment history are equipped to choose well. They have a view of self as loveable and of the other as capable of loving. Their comfort with themselves allows them to think about their own feelings and to be curious about their own experience and that of a potential partner. With less need to project parts of their self they are better placed to read and accurately assess another person. We will consider how insecure attachment could sabotage mate selection in any of the courtship pathways – romance, arranged marriage or self-arranged relationships.

How attachment impacts building and sustaining a relationship

Secure attachment enables both care-seeking and caregiving to be more effective. We will consider the importance of understanding our needs and being able to voice these in ways which our partner can digest. We will map how different forms of insecure attachment interfere with the reciprocal, mutual support which most people long for in a partnership. People often say that the difficulty in their relationship is all down to ‘communication’ and we’ll explore what may underly this idea and how clients might be helped to unpack and go deeper in understanding their experience.

Session 2

How attachment impacts fights: Triggering, escalating and repairing them

Rows are a part of most relationships, the problem is not so much the fight itself as the lack of repair. A couple who avoids all friction could be at risk of keeping their relationship in the shallow end. Many couples become drawn into an ongoing tug of war between their complementary attachment strategies: the more one tries to calm the situation by saying little and keeping at a distance, the more the other insists on talking and feels things would be OK if only they could get their partner to understand. When this pattern becomes embedded, the tension will be constantly humming and a relatively small jolt can catapult the couple into open conflict.

How attachment impacts sex in a long term bond

How can long term partnerships continue to enjoy sexual pleasure over the decades? Why does it often happen that all seems fine in a couple except for sex? Is sex a lightning rod to what is really going on, or an adjunct which is less important for some couples? We will consider how competing attachment strategies can interfere with their sex life, as with any aspect of a couple’s daily life. When clients become more regulated and less reactive in their attachment behaviour then sex may be easier to negotiate – as would other areas such as money.

Session 3

How we work with attachment in a couple

In this module we will switch to a more focused approach to working, either with the ‘couple in mind’ as we sit with an individual in the room, or actually working with a couple. The approach I offer is broadly based on EFT and I build this onto an attachment-based psychoanalytic base. We will consider how to help a couple who arrive with the common presentation of rowing about all kinds of unimportant things, despondent because they seem to have become enemies and longing to recapture a sense of being a team. We will also review the understanding from earlier meetings.

ABOUT ANNIE

Anne Power has qualifications from The Bowlby Centre, Westminster Pastoral Foundation, Tavistock Relationships and Relate. Her clinical work has been in voluntary settings, in the NHS and in private practice in London where she now works online with couples and providing one-off supervision consultations. She has taught on a number of therapy trainings in London.  Contented Couples: Magic, logic or luck? was published in 2022 and reflects on interviews with eighteen long-term couples.

Anne’s first book, Forced Endings in Psychotherapy, investigated the process of closing a practice for retirement or other reasons. Her published papers explore attachment meaning in the consulting room and in the supervision relationship.

Dates:

• Saturday 11^th January 2025 – 9:00 to 12.20
• Saturday 18^th January 2025 – 9:00 to 12.20
• Saturday 25^th January 2025 – 9:00 to 13.20

CPD: 11 hours
Limited to 15 participants

Safeguarding Training for Therapists: Case studies and discussion

A one and a half hour workshop designed and facilitated by Lynn Findlay

Monday, 17th February 2025 

This workshop is for anyone that has previously attended safeguarding training with Lynn Findlay, either the safeguarding awareness session or the specialised safeguarding session. It will follow on from these trainings, based on feedback from attendees who asked for more time to discuss case studies.

This event offers a reflective space to explore therapeutic dilemmas and safeguarding case studies. It continues with the themes of joined-up thinking and systemic practice.
This is a small group session and we will explore issues, dilemmas and decision making as a whole group. There may be the option for you to bring your own case study to the group*.

*This does not replace clinical supervision and there will be space for two case studies, alongside the trainers’ preparation. If you wish to discuss your own case study this needs to be anonymised, and a short written summary prepared and shared with the group in advance.

How is it delivered? This is delivered via Zoom, with information sharing, whole group discussion, and opportunities for questions and personal reflection.

About Lynn:

Lynn is a qualified counsellor and psychotherapist, working with both adults and young people. She is a registered social worker with over 25yrs experience working in safeguarding, with many years’ experience designing and delivering training sessions in social care and therapy.

Date: Monday, 17th February 2025

Time: 6.30pm – 8.00pm

Cost: £40 non-Bowlby Centre members

£30 Bowlby Centre members

CPD: 1.5 Hours

(CPD certificate provided)

Safeguarding Awareness Training for Counsellors and Therapists

A two-hour workshop designed and facilitated by Lynn Findlay
Tuesday 10th June 2025

What is it about? The workshop will increase your knowledge and confidence about making safeguarding decisions about children and adults in the therapeutic context. We focus on joined up thinking across families and networks.

Is it for me? It is for therapists working with both adults and young people. Many adult clients have contact with children in some capacity, and all children are cared for by adults.  You can be in private practice or employed by an organisation.

What will I learn? The session covers:

• The legislative and statutory framework which promotes and safeguards a child’s welfare, including understanding terminology and comparisons with safeguarding adults (joined up thinking).
• An overview of the types of harm and abuse in child and adult safeguarding
• The role of the therapist within this framework, exploring issues of confidentiality and contracting in the counselling context.
• Making sense of your concerns and threshold dilemmas
• Guidance on recording and reporting concerns
• Signposting – what next.

How is it delivered? This is delivered via Zoom, with information sharing, whole group discussion, and opportunities for questions and personal reflection.

About Lynn:

Lynn is a qualified counsellor and psychotherapist, working with both adults and young people. She is a registered social worker with over 25yrs experience working in safeguarding, with many years’ experience designing and delivering training sessions in social care and therapy.

Date: Tuesday 10th June 2025

Time: 6.15pm – 8.30pm

Cost: £40 non-Bowlby Centre members

£30 Bowlby Centre members

CPD: 2 hours and 15 mins

(CPD certificate provided)

Specialised Safeguarding Training for Counsellors and Therapists

A two-hour workshop designed and facilitated by Lynn Findlay
Tuesday 17th June 2025

Working with non-recent abuse and the LADO process AND Domestic abuse, including the DASH risk assessment and the MARAC process

This workshop is designed for counsellors and therapists, who have either completed the Safeguarding Awareness session, or who have a sound knowledge of child and adult safeguarding and are looking to expand their knowledge on working with disclosures of non-recent abuse and working with domestic abuse in therapy. The workshop offers knowledge of tools and procedures which can be used in therapy and opportunities for further discussion around thresholds and safeguarding dilemmas.

This is a two hour session and we spend around one hour on each topic.

Working with non-recent abuse covers:

• What is non-recent abuse?
• Managing a disclosure in therapy – duty of care, confidentiality, and self-care
• Making a referral to the police and/or social care
• Allegations against persons working with children/vulnerable adults: Role of the LADO
• Continuing with therapy alongside an investigation –role of CPS and pre-trial therapy

Working with domestic abuse covers:

• What is domestic abuse?
• How domestic abuse is located within child and adult safeguarding
• Contracting with a client experiencing domestic abuse
• Working with a disclosure of domestic abuse
• The DASH risk assessment tool and how this can be used in therapy
• Understanding the MARAC process

There will be a blend of information sharing and small group work to discuss thresholds and dilemmas.

About Lynn:

Lynn is a qualified counsellor and psychotherapist, working with both adults and young people. She is a registered social worker with over 25yrs experience working in safeguarding, with many years’ experience designing and delivering training sessions in social care and therapy.

Date: Tuesday 17th June 2025

Time: 6.15pm – 8.30pm

Cost: £40 non-Bowlby Centre members

£30 Bowlby Centre members

CPD: 2 hours and 15 mins

(CPD certificate provided)